"Effects Of Divorce; What Should You Consider When You're Thinking About Divorce?"

By: Karl Augustine

Some effects of divorce can be positive depending on your situation even though divorce' is usually seen in a negative light. The effects of divorce are far too many to list here so let's concentrate on effects of divorce that seem most apparent and that address making a decision about divorce. Obviously one of the most common effects of divorce is how the divorce will change the money flow for the people involved in the divorce. A change in cash flow affects the freedom we have and it can change the lifestyle we have. A change in housing, work, travel, shopping, etc., make people stop and think about how deeply "money" will have on their life after divorce. While a "change in money flow" is a consideration and a true hard effect of divorce, there\'s other effects that might carry greater weight in the decision making process. An effect of divorce that some people need to consider is the change that children will need to go through if a divorce occurs. Children can be strong during this time, but it is up to the parents to make sure the transition is as painless as possible. Some people actually stay in unhappy marriages solely because of the fact that there are children involved. The change children go through as an effect of divorce is complex...if you are curious as to how to ensure this transition is as painless as possible for your children, educate yourself and possibly seek professional advice. Fear, as an effect of divorce?' Yes, fear is a real live effect that divorce can have on some people. Fear of loss-fear of the unknown"fear of lack of self confidence"fear of change"fear of a depreciation in emotional health etc. The list goes on and on. Combating fear is a difficult thing to do but in conquering fear you will be one step further to your goal of emotional health. Not all seemingly negative things or events in life are truly 100% negative. If you\'ve been divorced, are currently going through a divorce, or are deciding about getting a divorce, you have a rare opportunity to use the experience to grow emotionally and increase your inner-strength. The effects of divorce and how you label them (positively or negatively) will be determined by how you act while going through the divorce and what your focus is after the divorce is over. You should want to look back and identify the positive effects of divorce as they pertain to your own situation. Having positive self reflection when the dust settles is a goal that, if attained, will make you feel good about yourself. When you\'re looking back on the experience of divorce or the decision process of divorce, you want to be able to answer the following question positively. Did I grow emotionally and personally during this tumultuous time? The effects of divorce are far reaching...look inward and plan accordingly.

© Karl Augustine, 2004
\"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce\"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.
Effects of Divorce

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Divorce and Alimony Formula

By: Jean Mahserjian

In divorce, a common question is, "what is the alimony formula". Well, there really is no set alimony formula for divorce. This is in complete contrast to child support, which is decided based upon a specific formula in each state. Alimony is based on factors and those factors are decided through divorce negotiation or by a divorce judge. But, there is no alimony formula available to your divorce attorney or you to determine in advance what alimony will be paid in your case.

What does a divorce court look at to determine alimony? Those issues do vary by state. But, there are also many alimony factors that are common from state to state. So, although there is no specific alimony formula for you to rely on, there are alimony factors that you can look at to help you determine what the alimony might be in your case.

In divorce, some of the alimony factors that a judge might look at include the following. First is the length of your marriage. If the parties have been married for one year, the court's attitude towards a request for alimony will be very different than if the parties have been married for twenty years. Because the length of marriage varies so much in all divorces, it is not possible to plug this factor into an alimony forumla to determine the alimony amount.

Another factor affecting the award of alimony is employment status. Obviously, if the spouse seeking alimony has been unemployed or underemployed for a number of years to care for young children, the home, or the spouse, that is a factor that will militate in that spouse's favor if he or she is seeking alimony. On the other hand, if that spouse has the ability to obtain employment that will more than adequately meet his or her needs, the court might think a little differently about awarding alimony to that party. Other factors that are considered closely with this factor include level of education, job experience, the age of children in the household, and work history.

A major factor that can affect an award of alimony is the amount of property to be retained or divided by the parties. If the spouse seeking alimony has been a stay at home parent, but will have signifcant assets after divorce or has separate assets, like a trust fund, the court's attitude towards the award of alimony will be affected. The court will certainly view a request for alimony under these circumstances much different than a request made by an individual who is receiving no assets in the divorce or who does not have any separate property.

The health of the party seeking alimony is a major factor that can impact a court's decision in awarding alimony. If the spouse seeking alimony has a debilitating physical condition that impacts whether or how much they can work, the court will not want to impoverish that party after divorce and the court will be more likely to use alimony to address at least basic living needs.

One other factor that should be considered by the divorce court and by the parties, is the taxability of the alimony payments. In most instances, if there is no specific provision to the contrary, spousal support payments are taxable to the recipient and tax deductible to the payor. The tax benefit obtained by spreading out economic wealth in this fashion can be significant and should be discussed in depth with your divorce attorney.

One issue that is not always considered by the court, but should be discussed with your divorce attorney, is that alimony payments are, in general, not dischargeable in bankruptcy. If there is any possibility that the party who is to pay alimony will be filing for bankruptcy, the divorce attorneys will negotiate very hard on both sides to maximize the final benefit to their client in divorce.

It should thus be apparent that in divorce, there can be no easy alimony forumla, no matter what state you live in. It is impossible to plug these and other factors into a mathematical equation to arrive at a "correct" alimony formula. It is necessary that the divorce court, or the divorce attorneys review how these varied and different factors affect both parties in the divorce and then arrive at a solution that encompasses all of the divorce issues, including property settlement and alimony. They cannot simply set up an alimony formula that would work for all parties.

Jean Mahserjian is an attorney and the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of divorce. To download free excerpts from her divorce and alimony books, visit: http://www.millenniumdivorce.com

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Viagra and a Divorce - With Viagra, Can Papa Get a "Brand New Bag"?

by: Askme Blax

A friend posed a question to me a few days ago that I found very thought-provoking. How has the availability of the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra affected marriages and monogamous relationships? The question came from a man who has no virility issues, so please leave assumptions at the door as we explore this topic. The question itself is insightful, but since Viagra is relatively new (first introduced in 1998), the answer is currently unknown.

What we do know is that Viagra can help grandma and grandpa continue to reap the physical pleasures of sex by ensuring that grandpa's physical impairment won't get in the way of opportunities for sexual fulfillment. Sexual fulfillment and sexual growth don't have to end at a preset age. But, as my friend put it, what if grandpa starts taking Viagra and begins thinking that he does not have to be with "this old bag" and starts to seek younger, hotter stuff?

Although there have been reports that a divorce ensued as a result of a woman not wanting to have sex with her husband once he began taking Viagra, the drug itself did not cause the divorce. The underlying problem had to be that neither the wife nor the husband was willing to compromise on what mattered to the other. The wife was content with the other things marriage provided and had accepted that the couple's sex life was over. On the other hand, the husband changed into someone his wife was not willing to accept who demanded sex all the time. He had found himself a miracle youth drug and wanted to begin sexing as frequently as he could.

My take on the social implications of taking Viagra is based on the knowledge that Viagra addresses only the physical aspect of a man's ability to have sex. Viagra causes better blood circulation to a man's penis and, as a result, he can obtain and sustain an erection. That is all that Viagra does. Viagra does not increase a man's desire to have sex and it doesn't cause him to desire his partner more. Neither does Viagra cause a man to seek additional partners and commit adultery. Viagra merely gives a man the ability to act on whatever sexual desires he already has within him.

>From this woman's perspective, the most trivial of all things considered when it comes to relationship and sexual fulfillment is a man's physical ability to sustain an erection versus his ability to touch and excite a woman on other levels. A woman is not necessarily left 'hanging' because a man cannot keep it up for extended periods of time or because he can't bring her into multiple orgasmic outbursts. In fact, looking for such physical sexual responses in women like how long it takes her to reach orgasm, how wet she becomes (as compared to another's wetness) or counting her orgasms will lead to a false understanding of her sexual pleasure. Aside from knowing a woman's sexual pulse, good sex encompasses knowing when, where and which lips to kiss, how to caress her breasts at just the right moment, when to gaze into her eyes, and when tugging gently at her hair provides her a sexually stimulating sensation. To know these things, a man has to accurately read that particular woman's sexual responses. Viagra does not give a man this sexual rhythm, cannot cause a man to be interested in knowing a woman, and cannot help a man grow into the person that can fulfill these other physical pieces of lovemaking.

Sexual fulfillment and growth come most often to those who can form a bond with their partner the bond of trusting another to know about your private, personal, and raw nakedness, both physical and emotional nakedness. Men have also stated that they enjoy sex most when it is with someone they care about and have formed a special bond of trust. Loftus, Bancroft and Long indicated the best predictors of a woman's sexual distress in the survey Distress about sex: a national survey of women in heterosexual relationships. According to their findings, one of the best predictors of a woman's sexual distress is her emotional relationship with the partner during sexual activity. Viagra cannot help a man grow into a trustworthy person capable of fulfilling a woman's emotional cravings. Equally, Viagra cannot cause a man to become untrustworthy leading possibly to a divorce.

The strongest unions, and therefore, the strongest emotional bonds are formed by those committed to each other in monogamous relationships such as marriage where trust is already a key factor. Marriage and other monogamous relationships should cause sexual fulfillment and sexual growth to thrive absent physical incapabilities. Because Viagra is merely a medicine that fixes a physical impairment, I do not believe that Viagra can cause damage to such relationships and I do not believe that it can cause an increase in divorces where there was not already a problem. Viagra may help to expose other problems, such as lack of true appreciation for one's partner, dishonesty in dealing with one's partner over the years, sexual greed and a lack of respect for the relationship. But, these problems indicate poor character in the first place and cannot be blamed on Viagra. These problems may have been suppressed until Viagra came along, but suppressing feelings goes straight to honesty.

Viagra alone should not cause a rise in divorce nor cause couples to breakup. Viagra might, however, swell up and expose hidden character flaws in addition to the swelling up of the penis. Optimistically, Viagra ought to cause couples dealing with sexual dysfunction to overcome that obstacle.

About The Author


AskBlax.com is a small, Black-owned web portal founded for the purpose of providing a resource to African Americans seeking answers to our unique set of questions and issues. As the only free web site featuring news, articles, events and pictures exclusively from the African-American public, we hope to get to the heart of what's really on the minds of our people. We encourage discussions centering around serious topics, as well as, those meant to uplift the soul and make us smile.

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