Taking Care of Children After Divorce

After a marriage is over and you have custody of your children, you will have the responsibility for making the important decisions about your children’s upbringing and schooling.

In the majority of cases, the other parent still has a right to spend some time with the children. Keep in mind, the law says that there should be as much contact as possible with both parents as is best for the children. However, in serious circumstances, a judge could decide that it is in the children’s best interests not to spend time with the other parent.

If you do not have custody, generally, you will have a right to spend time with your children. A parent with access usually has rights to:

- spend time with the children, such as on a weekday evening, on weekends and on holidays; and

- receive information about the children — news about their health and well-being and about how they are doing at school.

As a parent with access rights, you can ask the court to order the other parent to give you advance notice—at least 30 days—if he or she intends to move the children to another home.

You can lose your access rights or they can be limited. For instance, if you do not follow the court order or if you act in a way that is harmful to your children, the court can decide to change the access arrangements.

There is also joint custody. Sometimes a husband and wife want a divorce, but want to continue to share their responsibilities as parents equally.

Joint custody means that both of you have custody of the children. In other words, you both continue to share in making all the major decisions concerning the children. If there is joint custody, many different living arrangements are possible. The children may live with each parent about the same amount of time or live mostly with one parent.

Not many parents go to trial about custody. Proceedings can be expensive and stressful both for you and for the children. You have choices other than going to court to reach agreements on parenting arrangements.

- You can go to a family mediator. A mediator is generally a person with a legal or social work background who has special training in helping people resolve disputes. A mediator works with both of you and helps you discuss and decide on the arrangements for your children.

- You can meet with a lawyer who will explain your legal rights and obligations and help you negotiate an agreement.

- You can meet with a family therapist, child psychologist, social worker, family doctor or other professional who knows about the effects of separation and divorce on children of different ages.

Many courts now offer parent-education sessions, which present options for settling the issues you face upon separation and divorce. These sessions also discuss the impact of separation and divorce on children.


About The Author


Alex Fir

Visit Divorce Help Center for more divorce information and latest news. http://www.divorce-information-center.info

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In Divorce, Women No Longer Have All the Power

The stories go something like this: “She took the house, she took the car, and then she took my children away.” For many years the process of divorce was a process heavily biased toward women, to balance out the fact that it was a man’s world. Traditionally, women were considered the weaker sex. They were the sex to be protected and protected they were – when it came to divorce.

This principle was also directed embedded in the divorce law of many states. In Florida and many other states, there was a principle known as the “Tender Years Doctrine.” In short, the law said the place for young children was with their mom. A man’s right’s to become the custodial parent was trampled on and completely ignored. Possession of the marital home usually went to the parent that received the children. Right off the bat, the initial position of the courts was to award the house and children to the mom. Though women did benefit from this system the effect was to short change 50% of the population – men.

Societal developments in the past few decades have remedied some of the power imbalances between the sexes. One of those imbalances that changed in Florida law is the legal preference for women as custodians of children. The “Tender Years Doctrine” was abolished in Florida and custody law was rewritten to be gender neutral. Judges were directed to consider certain factors in a custody determination. http://www.18884mydivorce.com/. But none of those factors mention children. In Florida, child custody law became completely balanced and both sexes gained equal rights to ask for the minor children in a divorce action.

Because of this change more men are successfully seeking custody of their children. With custody, possession of the marital home does not automatically go to the mom. Divorce Attorney Howard Iken notices more women still get custody of the children. But that will change over time now that the law is more even handed. In divorce, women no longer have all the power. Now, divorce is more even playing field and men don’t automatically lose everything.

About The Author

Howard Iken is the founder and managing attorney of The Divorce Center. He represents divorce clients in Tampa, Clearwater, St. Petersburg, New Port Richey, Pinellas, Pasco, and Hernando County, Florida. For more information, call his toll free number at 1-888-4My-Divorce (1-888-469-3486). Get a free education on divorce issues by visiting http://www.18884MyDivorce.com.

In Divorce, Women No Longer Have All the Power

The stories go something like this: "She took the house, she took the car, and then she took my children away.: For many years the process of divorce was a process heavily biased toward women, to balance out the fact that it was a man's world. Traditionally, women were considered the weaker sex. They were the sex to be protected and protected they were when it came to divorce.

This principle was also directed embedded in the divorce law of many states. In Florida and many other states, there was a principle known as the "Tender Years Doctrine." In short, the law said the place for young children was with their mom. A man's right's to become the custodial parent was trampled on and completely ignored. Possession of the marital home usually went to the parent that received the children. Right off the bat, the initial position of the courts was to award the house and children to the mom. Though women did benefit from this system the effect was to short change 50% of the population men.

Societal developments in the past few decades have remedied some of the power imbalances between the sexes. One of those imbalances that changed in Florida law is the legal preference for women as custodians of children. The "Tender Years Doctrine" was abolished in Florida and custody law was rewritten to be gender neutral. Judges were directed to consider certain factors in a custody determination. http://www.18884mydivorce.com. But none of those factors mention children. In Florida, child custody law became completely balanced and both sexes gained equal rights to ask for the minor children in a divorce action.

Because of this change more men are successfully seeking custody of their children. With custody, possession of the marital home does not automatically go to the mom. Divorce Attorney Howard Iken notices more women still get custody of the children. But that will change over time now that the law is more even handed. In divorce, women no longer have all the power. Now, divorce is more even playing field and men don't automatically lose everything.

About The Author


Howard Iken is the founder and managing attorney of The Divorce Center. He represents divorce clients in Tampa, Clearwater, St. Petersburg, New Port Richey, Pinellas, Pasco, and Hernando County, Florida. For more information, call his toll free number at 1-888-4My-Divorce (1-888-469-3486). Get a free education on divorce issues by visiting http://www.18884MyDivorce.com.

Divorce Expert Predicts Soaring Divorce Rate if England Fails to Lift Cup (PR Web via Yahoo! News)Swindon, UK (PRWEB) June 14, 2006 -- A divorce expert has predicted that divorce rates will soar if England fail to do well in the FIFA World Cup 2006.

Divorce Expert Predicts Soaring Divorce Rate if England Fails to Lift Cup (PR Web)A divorce expert has predicted that divorce rates will soar if England fail to do well in the FIFA World Cup 2006. (PRWEB Jun 14, 2006) Trackback

Winning Tactics For A Smooth Divorce

The term "smooth divorce" may be an oxymoron, meaning there may not really be such a thing as a smooth divorce. Divorces typically are a dramatic schism in a couple's lives, ending five, ten, or even thirty years of a relationship. Something like that can be painful, messy, and even violent. Nevertheless, there are certain steps that you can take during a divorce that can make a separation and divorce go as relatively smoothly as possible. These can include choosing the right divorce lawyer and knowing your state's divorce law.

The first step you should take in your divorce is to fill out the divorce form called a Petition. Some states may call this divorce form a Complaint. Whatever its name, the form is what lets the state court and your spouse know that you are officially filing for a divorce. The divorce form also announces your terms for the divorce, such as child support and custody, debt and property splitting up, and attorney's fees. These terms are important, so be certain to invest time on them with your lawyer.

You spouse will then file her or his own divorce form in response, called opposing papers, or simply, a response. If you are on this end of the divorce-the response side-be certain to prepare yours within your state's time limits. Some states have strict timelines by which opposing papers must be filed within. Otherwise, you lose your rights to argue your side of the divorce in court.

After both these divorce forms are settled, then the temporary orders are set up to regulate the conduct between you and your soon to be ex-spouse while the divorce is in progress. While this is taking place, the best advice for anyone in separation and divorce is to work toward alternative dispute resolution, meaning an out-of-court settlement. Why? Typically, divorces that go to court are the most messy and difficult, especially for the kids that may be caught in the middle.

During this whole process, possibly the best thing you can also do for yourself is get an experienced and well-respected divorce lawyer. The attorney may cost you more in the short run, but in the long-term side of things, you could save your relationship with your kids, much of your property, and even possibly a friendship with your spouse. A good lawyer will also inform you of your rights under divorce law, helping you to make the best decisions for yourself, your property, and your family.

About The Author


This article about adoption is submitted by S.A. Nickerson, writing for http://www.divorcehelpinfosite.com.

Community Calendar (The Rowlett Lakeshore Times)* American Legion Post No. 504 has open karaoke from 7 to 11 p.m., each Friday at 130 E. Main Street, Mesquite. For information, call 972-289-6689. * The Lakes Area Family to Family Support Group, discussion group for people with an adult family member or friend with a serious mental illness.

One year later, muder remains unsolved (Boston Globe)One year after a Sheldon farmhand was shot and killed the murder remains unsolved. On Friday, friends and families gathered in the cemetery where Kenneth Jerome was buried.

Put to rest old advice on couples and credit (Boston Globe)Women are often told that once they marry , it's imperative to keep credit in their own names.

Should You Divorce or Work it Out?

Divorce - An easy way out?

Problems can crop up in any marriage. Managing them needs dedication and hard work. But the reward for the effort can be well worth it. Divorce isn't'talways the alternative to working through the rough times of marraige -- not for everybody.

Talking it out

A lack of communication lies at the heart of most problems associated with failing relationships. Screaming recriminations at one another and indulging in futile arguments is often mistaken for meaningful dialogue. You need to be objective in these situations. Dispelling anger helps to see the real issues more clearly.

Each couple will have their own set of problems and issues that they need to work through. Perhaps there are trust issues or issues with intimacy. Whatever your issues, sit down and talk about them without judging or accusing. State what you need from the other person in order to feel loved and respected. You may want to write letters to each other and share them if you fear that you will interrupt the other while you talk.

Wait until both of you have read before you say your piece. You will be astonished at how alike your views are.

Getting help

If talking it out doesn't'thelp, you can always consult a trained marriage counselor. Their objectiveness and unbiased views are sometimes all that is needed. They can also provide you with solutions that can help improve and strengthen your relationship.

Needless to add the encouragement and backing of loved ones, whether they are family members or trusted friends, is invaluable during these trying times. Talk to them and get their input but always be certain that they are genuinely concerned, and remember to stay balanced. Talking in this way helps, especially if you need to gauge whether you are being difficult to deal with and need some help.

If all else fails

If nothing seems to work and your relationship with your partner is getting worse, it may be time to think of a divorce. What often happens is that couples rush into divorce without trying to work through their problems first.

But many times, marriages can be saved and helped with communicating and working together to rebuild the marriage.

Having said that, remaining married despite irreconcilable differences, for the sake of the children is normally not the best alternative. Children irrespective of age perceive the conflict between their parents and the ensuing sadness that pervades the home. Having to grow up in that atmosphere is not right or healthy for the children.

About The Author


Ralph Crainer runs the website and writes for Divorce Y which a site dedicated to researching divorce related topics and contains all the very latest divorce news and views. For more details please visit http://www.divorcey.com

Hilary Swank: My husband's drug abuse ruined our marriage (Daily Mail)Actress Hilary Swank has revealed that her break-up with husband Chad Lowe was partly down to his 'substance abuse' problem. The double Oscar-winner, who announced the couple's separation in January and their intention to divorce in May, said the actor had now been sober for three years

False Reporting is Against the Law (KTRE-TV East Texas)It is everyone's responsibility to report child abuse, but false reporting is against the law. It happens often at CPS, especially with parents in the midst of a separation.

GM to consider alliance (Chicago Tribune)Struggling automaker to talk with Nissan, Renault General Motors Corp. said Friday that it would begin talks with Renault SA and Nissan Motor Co. about potentially joining in a worldwide alliance, bowing to pressure from activist shareholder Kirk Kerkorian, who is crusading for change at the struggling auto giant.

Divorced And Cheated Out Of The Family Finances - How Smart Divorce Lawyers Are Ruining Women

Lawyers quite often boast of how there is plenty of money to be made from divorce cases. You can be sure that this is no idle lawyer talk, especially when you consider the fact that more and more lawyers are being drawn into this area of legal practice.

But even more interesting and instructive is where all the big divorce money for the lawyers is coming from?

Yep, you guessed right, its' from our pockets, yours and mine. Basically any cash paid to a lawyer, even by your ex-husband depletes the family finances and assets that may have to be sold to settle legal fees. Money that should have otherwise gone to divorced women to help them rebuild their lives with some decent finances after the devastation that usually comes with divorce. Make no mistake about it; lawyers love nasty divorce settlement cases. The nastier they are, the better for them. Lawyers are usually the only true winners in any divorce action.

When they are not helping your ex-husband to hide or understate assets, they will be busy ensuring that by the time the divorce is finally settled, most of the family assets and cash will have gone to paying for their services, sometimes leaving little or nothing for you and your children to rebuild your lives with.

Yet it does not need to be like that. You definitely deserve better. Fortunately, many women are fighting back these days and with lots of success too. It is amazing how much of a difference, taking a few simple precautions can make. Generally these important steps to secure your future have to be taken long before there is any talk of a divorce. Just the way folks take out insurance for a rainy day. You're still happy if you never need to claim on your insurance, but it helps you sleep better at night and gives you peace of mind because you know that if the rainy day, or disaster comes, you are fully prepared.

It really is a jungle out there and many women have realized that it is not a good idea to place your whole financial future in the hands of someone else other than yourself.

About The Author


© 2004-2005 Cathi Adams.

Cathi Adams is the author of "Divorce Secrets: What Every Women Should Know." This invaluable resource provides steps to ensure financial security to woman faced with the possibility of divorce.

Visit her web site for a FREE report - What You Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Getting A Divorce: http://www.DivorceDefense.com.

Yavapais back Neb. tribes' casino (The Arizona Republic)The Fort McDowell Yavapai Nation, which helped pave the way for Indian gaming in Arizona, donated $250,000 to three Nebraska tribes, 60 percent of their total campaign fund, trying to get approval for a casino of their own.

Rosa Pace honored for fifty years in law (Borger News-Herald)Rosa Pace is celebrating 50 years of law practice in the city of Borger. (Photo by Don Rice) Mary Zan Warren, Staff Writer Rosa White Pace, of Borger was only 23 years old when she graduated from law school and now is celebrating her earmark of fifty years of law practice in Borger.

Jessica investigates (Daily Telegraph)Debt discussion needs permission.

Protecting Your Finances While Dealing With Your Divorce

Navigating the emotional and financial minefield of divorce is one of the toughest things you'll ever do.

Here's a somewhat disheartening and sobering fact: the divorce rate in Canada has doubled from that of the early 70s. While the legalities of getting a divorce may have become somewhat easier in the past 30 years, the financial ramifications remain the most intimidating and potentially devastating aspect of ending a significant life partnership.

But with proper planning and expert help from professionals specializing in financially equitable divorce settlements, you can increase your chances of arriving at a settlement that fully addresses your long-term financial needs.

Developing comprehensive insight of the short-and long-term financial effects of divorce can save valuable time, money and distress, especially if the process is conducted early in the legal proceedings. Many separating couples seek individual legal assistance before assessing their financial situation. While lawyers serve a crucial role as individual legal advocates, they are not necessarily there to explain financial consequences in detail.

Misinformation and misconceptions about the divorce process can be detrimental. Many have false expectations that they will be able to secure a divorce settlement allowing them to continue with their accustomed style of living. Financial divorce analysis helps to ensure a good, stable economic future and prevent long-term regret with financial decisions made during the divorce process.

It's important to realize that divorce is the breakup of an economic unit, as well as a family unit. The process should be approached as a dissolution of a financial partnership, with each party attempting to remove the emotions from the process in order to develop a workable plan. There are three common emotions that are prevalent in the beginning stages of a divorce: fear, anger and guilt. It can be a role of the CDFA to recognize these emotions, determine where they are coming from, and help defuse them.

Here are a few key financial elements to be aware of when going through a divorce:

Gather all financial and property records. Obtain records of all bank, and brokerage accounts, insurance policies, retirement plans, tax returns, and other financial data. Develop a comprehensive list of all your property and assets, including furnishings, art objects, jewelry, and investments. Compiling these records is a good first step in any agreement regarding division of assets.

Think through what the divorce will really cost you in the long run and develop a realistic monthly budget during the financial analysis process. Expenses such as life insurance, health insurance and cost of living increases must be taken into consideration when agreeing on a final financial settlement.

No matter how cash-poor you are you must begin savings. If you don't start, you'll never regain your financial footing. Prepare a budget or cash flow analysis even if you've never done one before. Your new financial circumstances should be analyzed. Prepare or at least review your budget with a financial planner may be a better approach. Independent review is vital to avoid "fooling yourself" with overly optimistic assumptions.

Be aware of all tax liabilities and benefits. The monthly distribution of the financial settlement will change individual tax burdens based on the amount of Spousal Support (taxable income to the recipient and tax deductible to the payor) vs. child support (tax neutral for both payor and recipient).

Act quickly to protect your assets. Alert your, bank, brokerage firm, or mutual fund broker of the situation. They may agree not to make transactions on joint accounts without your approval. Immediately establish credit in your own name if you don't already have it. Revise your estate plan, power of attorney, and beneficiary designations.

Keep the lid on legal fees. Don't use your lawyer to get back at your ex. A divorce these days is really an economic issue. Most people cannot afford to pay for vengeance. Understand that the meter is running every time you call your Lawyer. Don't waste your time venting emotional issues or sharing the latest outrage.

Set a realistic housing budget. Don't let emotion cloud your judgment about keeping the family home. Set a realistic budget that takes into account your mortgage, property taxes, and maintenance. Divorcing women often pass up their ex's pension in favor of the house even though the pension may be worth far more in the future.

About The Author


Eva Sachs is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), has her CFP designation and is a member of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts. She can be reached at esachs@womenindivorce.ca Please visit her informative website at www.womenindivorce.ca.

Marriage and divorce in the Netherlands (Expatica)Regulations and restrictions for those wishing to come to the Netherlands to marry or form a relationship are tightening. If you've fallen head over heels ? here's Mindy Ran's short guide to marriage, other kinds of partnerships ? and divorce.

Man buys 20 Barbies to keep child quiet (Gulf Times)A Chinese man bought two dozen Barbie dolls to keep his whining 8-year-old daughter quiet, but it only meant howls of protest from his wife instead, Xinhua news agency said yesterday.

You CAN Find Life AFTER DIVORCE

by: Connie Butler

It's All About Change

One of the most radical and often devastating changes that a person may experience is the change accompanying a divorce. But you don't have to flounder through it all alone. What if you had help charting a course to the life you truly wanted to live? What if you could leverage this time of change to create the life of your dreams? What if you received support and guidance through the transition from pain and confusion to thriving in your new life?

I can help.

At the core, my work with people revolves around creating effective change - I am a skilled change agent moving clients through the often choppy waters of a complex life.

Many of the women I work with have been through divorce and are trying to work through the complexity of putting the past behind them, identifying the resources they have and those they need to help them move forward. They are working towards a renewal of their personal power and are interested in building self-confidence. Often they are faced with upgrading their employment skills or entering the work force for the first time when they are faced with financial pressures. Some are learning what it means to be alone and reestablishing the confidence of independence. Although it can be an extremely confusing, often overwhelming time, the hidden silver lining is that it can also be a potent time to restructure, revision and recreate a life based on principles that can bring you the fulfillment and excitement you desire. My goal in working with you is to help you better understand the steps needed to get you there!

I went though a divorce as a young adult with no support and know first hand the difficulty that many people go through when they are trying to rebuild a positive and fulfilling life after all of the "legal dust" has settled. I experienced first hand how difficult and painful the rebuilding process can be with no support. My experience coupled with over 18 years of helping people navigate complex change establishes my ability as a trusted change agent in developing a satisfying life after divorce.

I am so blessed to do this work because in it I participate in the process of real and substantive positive change in the lives of my clients. What a remarkable, real and inspiring undertaking. It calls on me to bring myself totally present with each of my client calls. It expands my capacity for understanding and recognition of the amazing opportunity we each have to affect not only our own lives but that of the planet as a whole. It shows me and my clients over and over again the unique qualities each of us possess and how precious those qualities are. If each of us truly understood that our very being ness is exactly what our lives and the lives of others require to thrive would we hold back anything? Would we allow the next moment to happen, move into it and meet it fully? Would we bring our whole selves forward on this adventure of life?

That is what real living is about - not holding back from each individual moment whether it holds great joy or sorrow but having the willingness to live it fully. Each moment is a moment of change and that change can be profoundly moving if we participate in it fully.

In this article I will be outlining several ways for you to get started on your own right now.

Get Support:

Hopefully you already have the support of family and friends. But finding the RIGHT kind of support is what is key here. Often, unfortunately, family and friends, though well meaning, may have their own agendas for you. One of the essential components of this change is that it is based on YOU: your clarity, your dreams and what you want. It is vital that you determine who in your life allows you to discover what you want and go to them. Basing your own self- development program on what YOU want is the first step in building self- confidence again. Make sure they have your best interests at heart and not just what they think you need. If this does not seem to be available, see if you have a trusted clergy member, a counselor, a support group, or a good coach. I believe you need ample time to discover what it is that you want next and do all you can to support THAT.

Forgive Yourself:

The greater your willingness to forgive yourself, the greater will be your enthusiasm and creativity in moving forward. Many people harbor feelings of failure about their divorce. Many blame themselves and continue to go over all that they might have done differently. Self-judgment is like the cross-current that will immediately send you off course. It is the one thing that can destroy your self-confidence and any creative idea you may have for the future. It is often a natural way to deal with all of the chaos and upheaval- we immediately blame ourselves or our spouse. It is a negative attempt to gain control. But effectively it defeats your dreams and keeps you tied to the past. Look for ways to forgive and nurture yourself; defend yourself against any of your self-judgments. Essentially, they are untrue and you can move past them. My soon-to-be launched Audio/Workbook program can give you the tools you need to deal with Judgment.

Discover What You Want:

Often in very important relationships our identity becomes so entwined with another that when it ends we are not sure who we are. This perceived loss of self is actually the deepest pain of the separation. You need time to rediscover yourself outside of the relationship. You require enough space and peace to be able to envision a new, bright future. Right now you may be using your imagination to see all of the possible negative outcomes. The important thing for you to realize here is that you are using your imagination to support these old thoughts and actions. Our imaginations are an amazingly powerful and creative tool. See if you can begin to use it to support you not hobble you.

Start by letting yourself imagine what you would like to see in your new life. Take a moment right now, close your eyes, take a few breaths and consider one thing you would like to change. Use your imagination to envision or sense it already in your life. Let yourself feel what it would be like to have it already in place. Use the inspiration of that to fuel your actions.

Action the Change:

Now the next important thing is to start actioning that change. Change does not happen unless you take targeted action. If you need help seeing how to practice making change you can sign up for my F.r.e.e eClass that will lead you through the basic steps of change. You can click here http://www.conniebutler.biz/change_signup.php to sign up for this F.r.e.e. eClass and download it immediately. You can start making those changes right now. Use the principles in this class to start making smaller changes so you can build the inner strength and resolve needed to make the larger changes effectively.

Good, targeted reading can add another level of support to action. You can access some books to support you here: http://www.conniebutler.biz/resources.php.

As you look at your current life and envision what you want choose one area that you wish to change. What do you need as support to make that change? You may need to access a quality within yourself. The quality may be courage or faith or strength. You may need the courage to try something new. You may need the faith to believe the change is possible. And you may need the strength to take the action required. Start developing the quality that will most leverage the change you want.

Who or what might help you take the action. Perhaps you need a buddy. Someone who encourages you and to whom you are accountable. Do all you can to put that support in place. One of the things I see in my work with clients is the necessity to notice the smallest increments of change. When you notice change as you are taking action your motivation for more action increases.

Continue to envision the change you want. Eventually the momentum of action will increase and you will find yourself moving along the line of growth and action that will bring substantive change into your life. This is one of the most important transitions of your life. Give yourself all you need to create the life that will bring you the satisfaction and fulfillment. In the process you can also access my eBook

"Thriving After Divorce - 3 Key Principles for Creating a Fantastic Life in 30 Days" at http://www.conniebutler.biz/divorce.php.

"Nothing will change until you change. Everything will change when you change."~ Lou DiCaprio

About The Author


Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization moving them past their growth frontier into new territory. She is available for personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached at 305-534-1119 or connie@conniebutler.biz Ms. Butler is an international coach, published author and radio personality.

FOR BOOMER WOMEN . . . (Orlando Sentinel)A LONG CLIMB LOOMS AHEAD Adeline Brown had other plans for retirement.

Tri-State Neighbor (Tri-State Neighbor)Your money: Are we losing the future generation of farmers to divorce? By Michael Baron, Great Plains Diversified Services Inc., Bismarck, N.D. Wednesday, June 21, 2006 12:32 PM CDT

"Effects Of Divorce; What Should You Consider When You're Thinking About Divorce?"

By: Karl Augustine

Some effects of divorce can be positive depending on your situation even though divorce' is usually seen in a negative light. The effects of divorce are far too many to list here so let's concentrate on effects of divorce that seem most apparent and that address making a decision about divorce. Obviously one of the most common effects of divorce is how the divorce will change the money flow for the people involved in the divorce. A change in cash flow affects the freedom we have and it can change the lifestyle we have. A change in housing, work, travel, shopping, etc., make people stop and think about how deeply "money" will have on their life after divorce. While a "change in money flow" is a consideration and a true hard effect of divorce, there\'s other effects that might carry greater weight in the decision making process. An effect of divorce that some people need to consider is the change that children will need to go through if a divorce occurs. Children can be strong during this time, but it is up to the parents to make sure the transition is as painless as possible. Some people actually stay in unhappy marriages solely because of the fact that there are children involved. The change children go through as an effect of divorce is complex...if you are curious as to how to ensure this transition is as painless as possible for your children, educate yourself and possibly seek professional advice. Fear, as an effect of divorce?' Yes, fear is a real live effect that divorce can have on some people. Fear of loss-fear of the unknown"fear of lack of self confidence"fear of change"fear of a depreciation in emotional health etc. The list goes on and on. Combating fear is a difficult thing to do but in conquering fear you will be one step further to your goal of emotional health. Not all seemingly negative things or events in life are truly 100% negative. If you\'ve been divorced, are currently going through a divorce, or are deciding about getting a divorce, you have a rare opportunity to use the experience to grow emotionally and increase your inner-strength. The effects of divorce and how you label them (positively or negatively) will be determined by how you act while going through the divorce and what your focus is after the divorce is over. You should want to look back and identify the positive effects of divorce as they pertain to your own situation. Having positive self reflection when the dust settles is a goal that, if attained, will make you feel good about yourself. When you\'re looking back on the experience of divorce or the decision process of divorce, you want to be able to answer the following question positively. Did I grow emotionally and personally during this tumultuous time? The effects of divorce are far reaching...look inward and plan accordingly.

© Karl Augustine, 2004
\"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce\"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors to their clients.
Effects of Divorce

Socialite seeks 3rd split from Fred 'Hollywood' Barkley (Mobile Register)BAY MINETTE -- Amid abuse allegations and another arrest of her estranged husband, 90-year-old socialite Louise Hearin has filed for the third time to end her marriage to a convicted sex offender who is less than half her age.

Jackson County News... (MainStreet Newspapers)Notice of Sale Notice of Sale Under Power Georgia, Jackson County THIS LAW FIRM IS ACTING AS A DEBT COLLECTOR ATTEMPTING TO COLLECT A DEBT. ANY INFORMATION OBTAINED WILL BE USED FOR THAT PURPOSE.

Divorce and Alimony Formula

By: Jean Mahserjian

In divorce, a common question is, "what is the alimony formula". Well, there really is no set alimony formula for divorce. This is in complete contrast to child support, which is decided based upon a specific formula in each state. Alimony is based on factors and those factors are decided through divorce negotiation or by a divorce judge. But, there is no alimony formula available to your divorce attorney or you to determine in advance what alimony will be paid in your case.

What does a divorce court look at to determine alimony? Those issues do vary by state. But, there are also many alimony factors that are common from state to state. So, although there is no specific alimony formula for you to rely on, there are alimony factors that you can look at to help you determine what the alimony might be in your case.

In divorce, some of the alimony factors that a judge might look at include the following. First is the length of your marriage. If the parties have been married for one year, the court's attitude towards a request for alimony will be very different than if the parties have been married for twenty years. Because the length of marriage varies so much in all divorces, it is not possible to plug this factor into an alimony forumla to determine the alimony amount.

Another factor affecting the award of alimony is employment status. Obviously, if the spouse seeking alimony has been unemployed or underemployed for a number of years to care for young children, the home, or the spouse, that is a factor that will militate in that spouse's favor if he or she is seeking alimony. On the other hand, if that spouse has the ability to obtain employment that will more than adequately meet his or her needs, the court might think a little differently about awarding alimony to that party. Other factors that are considered closely with this factor include level of education, job experience, the age of children in the household, and work history.

A major factor that can affect an award of alimony is the amount of property to be retained or divided by the parties. If the spouse seeking alimony has been a stay at home parent, but will have signifcant assets after divorce or has separate assets, like a trust fund, the court's attitude towards the award of alimony will be affected. The court will certainly view a request for alimony under these circumstances much different than a request made by an individual who is receiving no assets in the divorce or who does not have any separate property.

The health of the party seeking alimony is a major factor that can impact a court's decision in awarding alimony. If the spouse seeking alimony has a debilitating physical condition that impacts whether or how much they can work, the court will not want to impoverish that party after divorce and the court will be more likely to use alimony to address at least basic living needs.

One other factor that should be considered by the divorce court and by the parties, is the taxability of the alimony payments. In most instances, if there is no specific provision to the contrary, spousal support payments are taxable to the recipient and tax deductible to the payor. The tax benefit obtained by spreading out economic wealth in this fashion can be significant and should be discussed in depth with your divorce attorney.

One issue that is not always considered by the court, but should be discussed with your divorce attorney, is that alimony payments are, in general, not dischargeable in bankruptcy. If there is any possibility that the party who is to pay alimony will be filing for bankruptcy, the divorce attorneys will negotiate very hard on both sides to maximize the final benefit to their client in divorce.

It should thus be apparent that in divorce, there can be no easy alimony forumla, no matter what state you live in. It is impossible to plug these and other factors into a mathematical equation to arrive at a "correct" alimony formula. It is necessary that the divorce court, or the divorce attorneys review how these varied and different factors affect both parties in the divorce and then arrive at a solution that encompasses all of the divorce issues, including property settlement and alimony. They cannot simply set up an alimony formula that would work for all parties.

Jean Mahserjian is an attorney and the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of divorce. To download free excerpts from her divorce and alimony books, visit: http://www.millenniumdivorce.com

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Viagra and a Divorce - With Viagra, Can Papa Get a "Brand New Bag"?

by: Askme Blax

A friend posed a question to me a few days ago that I found very thought-provoking. How has the availability of the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra affected marriages and monogamous relationships? The question came from a man who has no virility issues, so please leave assumptions at the door as we explore this topic. The question itself is insightful, but since Viagra is relatively new (first introduced in 1998), the answer is currently unknown.

What we do know is that Viagra can help grandma and grandpa continue to reap the physical pleasures of sex by ensuring that grandpa's physical impairment won't get in the way of opportunities for sexual fulfillment. Sexual fulfillment and sexual growth don't have to end at a preset age. But, as my friend put it, what if grandpa starts taking Viagra and begins thinking that he does not have to be with "this old bag" and starts to seek younger, hotter stuff?

Although there have been reports that a divorce ensued as a result of a woman not wanting to have sex with her husband once he began taking Viagra, the drug itself did not cause the divorce. The underlying problem had to be that neither the wife nor the husband was willing to compromise on what mattered to the other. The wife was content with the other things marriage provided and had accepted that the couple's sex life was over. On the other hand, the husband changed into someone his wife was not willing to accept who demanded sex all the time. He had found himself a miracle youth drug and wanted to begin sexing as frequently as he could.

My take on the social implications of taking Viagra is based on the knowledge that Viagra addresses only the physical aspect of a man's ability to have sex. Viagra causes better blood circulation to a man's penis and, as a result, he can obtain and sustain an erection. That is all that Viagra does. Viagra does not increase a man's desire to have sex and it doesn't cause him to desire his partner more. Neither does Viagra cause a man to seek additional partners and commit adultery. Viagra merely gives a man the ability to act on whatever sexual desires he already has within him.

>From this woman's perspective, the most trivial of all things considered when it comes to relationship and sexual fulfillment is a man's physical ability to sustain an erection versus his ability to touch and excite a woman on other levels. A woman is not necessarily left 'hanging' because a man cannot keep it up for extended periods of time or because he can't bring her into multiple orgasmic outbursts. In fact, looking for such physical sexual responses in women like how long it takes her to reach orgasm, how wet she becomes (as compared to another's wetness) or counting her orgasms will lead to a false understanding of her sexual pleasure. Aside from knowing a woman's sexual pulse, good sex encompasses knowing when, where and which lips to kiss, how to caress her breasts at just the right moment, when to gaze into her eyes, and when tugging gently at her hair provides her a sexually stimulating sensation. To know these things, a man has to accurately read that particular woman's sexual responses. Viagra does not give a man this sexual rhythm, cannot cause a man to be interested in knowing a woman, and cannot help a man grow into the person that can fulfill these other physical pieces of lovemaking.

Sexual fulfillment and growth come most often to those who can form a bond with their partner the bond of trusting another to know about your private, personal, and raw nakedness, both physical and emotional nakedness. Men have also stated that they enjoy sex most when it is with someone they care about and have formed a special bond of trust. Loftus, Bancroft and Long indicated the best predictors of a woman's sexual distress in the survey Distress about sex: a national survey of women in heterosexual relationships. According to their findings, one of the best predictors of a woman's sexual distress is her emotional relationship with the partner during sexual activity. Viagra cannot help a man grow into a trustworthy person capable of fulfilling a woman's emotional cravings. Equally, Viagra cannot cause a man to become untrustworthy leading possibly to a divorce.

The strongest unions, and therefore, the strongest emotional bonds are formed by those committed to each other in monogamous relationships such as marriage where trust is already a key factor. Marriage and other monogamous relationships should cause sexual fulfillment and sexual growth to thrive absent physical incapabilities. Because Viagra is merely a medicine that fixes a physical impairment, I do not believe that Viagra can cause damage to such relationships and I do not believe that it can cause an increase in divorces where there was not already a problem. Viagra may help to expose other problems, such as lack of true appreciation for one's partner, dishonesty in dealing with one's partner over the years, sexual greed and a lack of respect for the relationship. But, these problems indicate poor character in the first place and cannot be blamed on Viagra. These problems may have been suppressed until Viagra came along, but suppressing feelings goes straight to honesty.

Viagra alone should not cause a rise in divorce nor cause couples to breakup. Viagra might, however, swell up and expose hidden character flaws in addition to the swelling up of the penis. Optimistically, Viagra ought to cause couples dealing with sexual dysfunction to overcome that obstacle.

About The Author


AskBlax.com is a small, Black-owned web portal founded for the purpose of providing a resource to African Americans seeking answers to our unique set of questions and issues. As the only free web site featuring news, articles, events and pictures exclusively from the African-American public, we hope to get to the heart of what's really on the minds of our people. We encourage discussions centering around serious topics, as well as, those meant to uplift the soul and make us smile.

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